Deleted Scene: Eternity

I can’t describe the way my heart awakens at the sound of His voice, the thought of His return, the realization that one day I will be with Him and know the intimacy I was created to know. It feels like my heart is fluttering, as though I were going to be married tomorrow, each time I hear a song which speaks of eternity, every time I see a sunset which echoes of heaven.

I know where I came from and I know where I’m going. I came from Him who formed me in my mother’s womb, and I am going to spend eternity with Him, physically, really with Him, in the relationship I was born to know.

There is nothing greater. Eternity draws my heart, hope calls my soul, knowing that one day I am going home. One day I will see my Jesus face to face, I will fall on my knees before Him, and I will hear His voice with my own ears. Nothing can compare to the joy I feel at the thought, and that joy is only the slightest whisper of the rejoicing I will know then.

Right now I’m sitting on my livingroom floor listening to Hillsong United’s song “Soon.” “I will be with the one I love,” the voice sings, “then my soul will be satisfied. Soon and very soon.” It’s like preparing to come home to your fiancé after months away, like the song “It’ll be a blue Christmas without you,” like the mom at work who can’t wait to walk in the door and sweep her daughter in her arms.

Soon. And every day that passes is one day sooner. I can hardly wait some days; I just want to be carried up into the sunset, away into eternity, into the intimacy I ache and yearn and long for, the perfect intimacy with God Himself, for which I was created. That’s why certain music draws my heart away. It’s the closest expression I have to eternity.

How did I ever think this world could satisfy? Now that I’ve glimpsed the intimacy I was created for, now that my heart has felt a drop of cold water, I know that nothing else could ever fill me. It’s like eating fake maple syrup all your life, and one day happening upon the real thing. You can’t go back.

My whole life is set upon and leaning upon a new quest, a new journey: To know Jesus more every day of my life, and rest in His love for me. There is nothing I desire to hold back; I long to give myself fully over, so much that my body feels like it gets in the way sometimes. It’s like I could jump out of my skin. All I want to be is His. All I want to do is know Him. I will go anywhere, do anything, if only I can show my love and gratitude for my Savior, if only I can know Him. There is nothing else in this world that I can even use as a comparison. I want to know Him more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.

That promised hope of an eternity with Him, and the realization that I can know Him today, is the driving force behind the way I live my life. The price is too high to pursue anything else. If I looked elsewhere, I would not be able to know Him in the same way; other things would come between His heart and mine. That price is too high. It isn’t worth it, and I don’t desire to look elsewhere anyway. I only want to know Him.

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